A Brutiful Awakening
To freedom seekers who ask me what any spiritual awakening experience, whether it be body work, vision quests, rebirthing, Ayahuasca, etc., my answer is, “It was brutiful.” It was beautiful and brutal, all at once.
I tend to share more of the brutal parts, because I want to prepare you for what is to come. But today, I'm sharing a beautiful part to remind you (and myself) that healing and growth don't have to be brutal, wretched, or terrifying. They can be hilarious, wrapped in joy and silliness.
Chakras Lighting Up
When you take Ayahuasca, it normally takes 30min to start working. With never having been normal and being an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and skilled meditator, my body took all of 3 minutes to begin the Ayahuasca journey.
One by one, chk-chk my chakras lit up like light bulbs, as if someone tugged on each individual lamp's chain. It hadn't really occurred to me before then that chakras are 3D spheres. My mind has just been so used to following my eyes and seeing chakras as 2D circles outside of myself. So I just got used to 2D chakras as reality.
Credit • InstaBuddha
But 3 minutes in, I was already immersed in an inner techno light show on a pitch black ether background. It was more thrilling than any EDM rave on ecstacy could never be!
About a month later, I found a book called Opening to Channel: How to Connect with Your Guide by Sanaya Roman. I read the first half in one day, and met my Gatekeeper (the protector of my Guide). I remember noticing, "Hmm. Am I doing this right? 'Cause that was easy." Then I read the second half of the book the next day and met my Guide. Again, I noticed how obvious and easy it was.
It was a year and a half later that I'm realizing the magnitude and importance of that 2D to 3D to 4D reality shift. That inner chakra light show was THE moment I fully accessed the portal to multi-dimensionality (4D, 5D, 6D), and I didn't even know it at the time. 🤯
This explains why channeling was so incredibly easy. I had built up strong meditative states. I had shed all the shadows and shame of being an HSP (and of being me in general). I had Ayahuasca Plus 10 Years under my belt. And all my success and failure, qualities and shortcomings, were converging me to multi-dimensionality. Woah. (If you don't know what multi-dimensionality means, I'll define and go deeper in the weeks to come.)
The Truth About Vanity
Back to my Ayahuasca mat, I remembered the facilitators advising us not to get trapped in a loop, whether it be reliving an ecstatic moment over and over or raging at a past memory over and over. So I released my attention from the mesmerizing aurora borealis of chakra lights inside, however much I wanted to stay "there" forever, in the dance of aliveness and glory within me. Because let's face it, life on Earth School can't compare to the bliss of "there."
As soon as I surrendered my light show, something on the top right corner of my third eye caught my attention. I "looked up" and saw a peacock head then face. Its face exuded pure, pure innocence and sweetness. “Huh,” I thought to myself, “peacocks aren’t vain, as shadow patriarchy labels them to be.”
In fact, from Marianne Williamson’s book From Tears to Triumph, she described peacocks as resilient and resourceful creatures who eat thorns when food is scarce, “Hard, pointed, razor-like objects are processed in their abdomens and then contribute to feathers with colors and shapes unmatched throughout nature for their extraordinary beauty. So it is with us.”
For years, I've been championing my clients to create a "Post-it Wall of Greatness", where they celebrate and exhibit all their qualities and accomplishments like a giant art display. Many hesitated because of this very fear: to be mislabeled as "vain."
Merging with the Sacred Peacock
But when I stared into this peacock's eyes, I saw the truth on a transcendental level: "vain" is a lie, a label that shadow patriarchy created out of his own insecurity to diminish the peacock's beauty (and power).
The peacock widened its eyes. So I widened my “eyes.” It tilted its head to the right. So I tilted my head to the right.
Sacred peacocks, like sacred women, like you, eat hard pain and alchemize it into beauty, power, and glory! What is vain about that?!?
Then plook, we merged, the peacock and I! I turned around and saw a big fan of gorgeous plumage. There was no vanity, no arrogance, as shadow patriarchy conditioned me to believe. There was just beauty and grandeur. It’s as if I hammered a shot glass of awe, expansion, and original truth. What freeeeeedom...
I just sat in that awe for hours (or what seemed like hours since time no longer existed). It all made sense: why I travel so much, seeking that awe outside myself. Now, without expecting or intending it, I was presented with an abundance of awe… inside myself. This inner awe is grander than any outer awe I could collect on my journeys to every country in the world.
4 Levels of Knowing
One of my top saboteurs is The Restless, who uses busyness to exhaust and destroy myself. I knew this at a mind level.
Then during my first Vipassana silent meditation retreat, The Restless saboteur died. I experienced knew this knowing at a body level.
After I traveled my 86th country, my FOMO (fear of missing out) died when I saw with undeniable clarity how every human in every country is exactly the same. I knew this oneness at a heart level.
And now, after this "Sacred Peacock" merging, the relentless pursuit of awe outside myself is over because there’s an infinite amount inside myself. I knew this at a soul level.
With now a full set of mind, body, heart and soul knowing, I am finally free. Freedom from restlessness gave me peace. Freedom from FOMO gave me peace. Freedom from constantly seeking awe outside myself gave me peace. Is there anything sweeter than peace, before reaching enlightenment?
Credit • Medium.com
Can Healing be Joyful?
Back on my Aya mat, in this expansive peace, I asked, “Can healing be other than brutiful? Can healing be other than wretched pain? Could healing be light, funny and joyful for once in my life?!?”
The Sacred Peacock morphed into a chubby double-chined seal, who gave me a high five and laughed, “Yes!”
1,000 Reclamations for Freedom
💎 Reclaimed the truth that true healing takes time and multiple iterations
💎 Reclaimed access to 4D, 5D and 6D realms of pure potentiality
💎 Reclaimed freedom from patriarchal labeling of feminine greatness as vanity
💎 Reclaimed the truth that time doesn't exist
💎 Reclaimed healing as joyful, not wretched